Unpacking the Menopause with Nurse Lively
Hello everyone my name is Emily and I am a women’s health advocate who is SUPER passionate about supporting people through menopause. I help women to understand what changes are happening to their bodies and how to start to prioritise themselves. For most of us, Menopause can feel like such a terrifying time, so much so that we tend to wait until it is upon us before learning to understand it, and often that can be too late, we aren’t to blame for this- although Women’s health has come a long way there are still many disparities in health outcomes compared to our male counterparts- menopause just isn’t considered or talked about enough! It is my belief that if more women knew about menopause from a young age then we’d have more people who feel empowered to experience this phase of their lives and ultimately approach it with more curiosity and less fear.
And so that is why I am here today- to share with you my knowledge and expertise as a pelvic health nurse, menopausal empowerment coach, and a woman on what we can do to navigate menopause. Whether you are approaching menopause, in the midst of it, or moving past it then I’d encourage you to read and save this blog, not just for yourself but so that you can also help support future generations of menopausal women with your newfound knowledge.
Ok, let’s kick off with a fact you may or may not know -
A recent study showed that menopausal women were more likely to be put on antidepressants. Let’s take a dive into why this might be.
Dr. Julie Holland, a female psychiatrist, writes,
“Women’s emotionality is a sign of health, not disease; it is a source of power. But we are under constant pressure to restrain our emotional lives. We have been taught to apologise for our tears, to suppress our anger, and to fear being called hysterical.”
This fear has led us to not talking about women’s health and our struggles as we are afraid of being seen as weak, or worse going mad. This can make our experiences feel very lonely and when it comes to the menopause. The Primary Care Women’s Forum found that:
79% of menopausal women didn’t tell another female relative
More than half (60%) say they didn’t tell their friend
Eight in 10 (76%) didn’t inform a healthcare professional
This shows me that women are scared! Not knowing what is normal or thinking it could be something sinister or being labeled as unhinged can really prevent people from seeking support and this must change.
If you are reading this and haven’t already read Lyndsey’s blog series on the Menstrual cycle, I urge you to read it. This will help you to understand your body, thoughts, and emotions around your menstrual cycle so that when you approach the menopause transition you can do so with less fear and more power to seek help when something is out of the norm for you.
Ok so back to “hysteria”
Did you know that the label of hysteria originates from the Greek word for uterus, hystera? Did you also know that back in the day it was the belief IN MEDICAL CIRCLES that the uterus was a source of power (I mean obvs we know it is) But that this power took over a woman with the uterus migrating around her body and giving her the potential to complete all sorts of sinister and promiscuous acts… yup you read that right - it all started with a real genuine fear of the uterus and the hysterics it could cause a woman to fall under… Cue eye roll.
Sarcasm aside, for many women the luteal phase (time between ovulation and their next period) can be very turbulent, and for good reason. The sudden drop in estrogen and rise and fall of progesterone can leave women with anxiety, depression, irritability, loss of confidence and mood swings. It’s thought that these are caused by your body’s response to low or fluctuating hormones - AKA Premenstrual syndrome or PMS.
During the perimenopause phase (the time leading up to your last period) these fluctuations are more exaggerated and really affect a women’s quality of life both at home and at work. Yet hormones aren’t solely to blame. This time in a women’s life can be really overwhelming, looking after kids and aging parents, increased responsibilities at work and the mental load of running a household can start adding more load on our system and the cracks start to appear. However due to medical misogyny and societal expectations, often the dots are not joined together, and women are labeled as stressed or worse…hysterical.
While this time of a woman’s life has its challenges, I want to share 3 things I wish every woman knew that could make their menopause transition as seamless as possible.
#1 Get to know your body.
Feel them breasts regularly, look at your vulva, notice how foods make you feel and track your menstrual cycle. If you know your body well then you are more likely to recognise when things aren’t right, make better decisions that make you feel good and truly advocate for yourself. For now, I want to focus on menstrual tracking, but why I hear you ask? Surely our periods are gradually going to stop and that’s it. Nope! For some women this does happen but due to fluctuating hormones, our menstrual cycles can get longer, shorter, lighter, and heavier. Heavy periods or flooding is common in perimenopause and large blood loss can cause fatigue and make going out of the house impossible. Many Period apps can help you predict when your next cycle will be, but fluctuations can be irregular and thus unpredictable. (Be prepared. Always have
spare pads and knickers just in case). However, you DO NOT need to put up with this! Hormone replacement therapy and/or contraception (yup, you can still get pregnant!) can really help to reduce fluctuations. Essentially, our period is like our 5th vital sign and menstrual irregularities could indicate hormonal imbalances, gynecological diseases, and infections. Bleeding in the post-menopause period (12 months after your last menstrual period) is not normal and you should be referred for investigations to
ascertain its origin. Therefore, tracking leads to better recognition of what phase of the menopause you are in, supports alternative diagnoses &; timely referral to the appropriate professional. Apps such as Balance, Clue or Me vs PMDD are really good to use for a few months to see trends. Take this information to your GP or use it to help you plan your life around your menstrual cycle.
#2 Its time for some spring cleaning
I like to think of the menopause as our second spring. I truly believe it can be a time for reflection, opportunity, and growth. However, I am not disillusioned to the fact that life can get chaotic, and it feels like we are spinning many plates. Trying to juggle work, tend to your family and friends’ needs, caring for elderly parents, managing your own health conditions, household chores, the list is never-ending.
Now what I am going to say may feel like a big leap for some of you, especially if you are a people pleaser or your identity is attached to these roles:
Learn to say no!
I’m not saying you need to stop doing those things completely, but you need to protect time for your own needs and energy. There is a reason why we put our own oxygen mask on first.
Here’s a tip if you have been hoarding plates:
I want you to identify which ones are made of China and which ones are made of paper.
You can afford to let the paper ones drop because they won’t break and so you can focus your time and energy on the ones that have higher value and more likely to irreversibly break.
Maybe now you’re thinking: “Okay Emily if I say no then people will get angry with me”.
Let them.
Just because they get angry doesn’t mean you should have said yes. But, in order to reduce conflict, we have to understand why they’re not getting what they want. As a society, we expect women to be the caregivers and unfortunately, we are not very good at supporting them. A study found that women who cared for their husbands with dementia received little to no help, compared to husbands who cared for their wives.
This leads me to
#3 Communication, communication, communication
I said it three times because there are 3 important times we need to be better at this.
1 - Communicate with your family, partner, and parents that you need help with those
paper plates so that you can do the work that you value and stay well and so your family heir looms don’t come crashing down. This benefits everyone!
Tell your parents to get a cleaner so you can spend quality time with them.
Tell your partner that you need time to go to the gym so you can look after your health and ask them to cook dinner.
Tell your kids they need to get the bus rather than relying on you to taxi them around so you can get other shit done and be more present.
If they understand, then they can help alleviate the load. We can’t expect them to just know. They have been conditioned to think that women should just do those things without much appreciation, but there is so much that goes on behind the scenes that they don’t see. Tell them!
2 – Talk about your good and bad experiences with other women of all ages. This helps to break the taboo so things like vaginal dryness, painful sex and incontinence can be discussed (that’s a whole other blog post). While these experiences are very common, they are not normal and can be fixed. Sharing experiences with other women creates a ripple effect and can help prevent other women from suffering unnecessarily.
And finally, and arguably most importantly
3 - Talk to yourself with more care and compassion. Your body is incredible and going through some major changes. It’s like puberty in reverse but with way more stuff going on, so cut yourself some slack. Your body may start to look different but hating yourself to change things is never motivating. And when emotions are high, we can say some incredibly hurtful things to ourselves, but they are rarely true. I once heard a quote that ‘the greatest source of suffering is the lies we tell ourselves’ and that has stuck with me.
Our brains often need facts to prove otherwise and so that is why learning about our bodies and collecting valuable data can allow us to fight our corner and know that we are worthy, we are good enough and you are feeling like this because of X, Y, Z to fully accept who we are in that moment.
Kirsten Neff a leading self-compassion researcher found that
“Practicing mindful self-compassion (MSC) significantly increased self-compassion, compassion for others, mindfulness, and life satisfaction, as well as decreased depression, anxiety and stress”.
She talks about tender self-compassion being a nurturing mother bear soothing their cub (comforting ourselves, talking kindly), but there is another side where we have the fierce energy of the Mother Bear (protector, provider of resources) who says no by setting boundaries and yes to providing for ourselves, such as self-care like nutrition, movement and finding a safe environment. Having a balance of both tender and fierce compassion creates our caring force.
Go create your caring force ladies, and then you can prioritise and optimise the areas in your life that need attention.
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Emily is a Pelvic Health Nurse & Menopause Empowerment Coach. She is passionate about raising awareness of Menopause & Pelvic Floor issues. If you would like to work with Emily on a 1-1 basis, she provides Menopause MOTs online or in person.
You can get Emily’s free Menopause Guide here and please check out her website where you’ll find information about her holistic workshops and retreats that will support you through this life phase.
Emily’s approach is like caring for a flower with the essential components it needs to grow. Much like a flower you need some essential things to help you thrive - such as Awareness, Breath, Confidence, Diet (nutrition), and Exercise. Emily can support you to approach your GP and help you explore these areas and come up with your own Menopause Wellness Plan which aligns your goals with your values, creating a living vision statement that you can truly live by.