A letter to my new-mum self

A little heads up: today’s blog is about motherhood/pregnancy. If this isn’t a topic you’re in the headspace to read about at the moment then feel free to come back at a later date or check out some of our other blogs :)

Having a baby is wonderful and wonderfully hard. Lyndsey Roberts, the founder of Strong Like a Mutha gym in Glasgow, remembers just how hard. 

There is nothing in this world like it. I remember reading that ‘at child birth, two people are born - the baby and the mother’, and now that I am a parent it rings so true.

When I had my little one, I suffered badly with postnatal anxiety. Something I had no idea existed until he was born. Even though it was troubling at the time, I wouldn’t change my experience, because it drove me to create a space where new parents are seen, heard and supported. But there are so many things I’d love to be able to say to my new mum self, so I’ve written a letter to her. Not only was this incredibly healing for me, I hope that it also inspires you to see yourself through the compassionate eyes of others and brings you some comfort in a time that is both incredibly joyful and extremely difficult all at the same time.

Dear Mama, 

I see you. You are both entirely filled with love and entirely exhausted all at once. Life just now feels like a roller coaster and that’s because it is! That’s ok. You don’t have to enjoy every minute and admitting that doesn’t mean that you love your baby any less. 

Everything is going to be ok, you will get to sleep again, I promise!

I know it feels relentless and never-ending and you are consumed by this deep desire for some time for yourself and just as equally don’t want to be apart from your precious little bundle. This is normal. Share more of these feelings with your friends. The reality is they are feeling the same way too, you are all just too scared to admit it in case it makes you look like terrible parents, but talking will bring you so much healing, and it will teach you that you are not alone. 

I know, looking at social media you think everyone has it all together, but I promise you everyone is winging it. Your gut knows what your baby needs and you should trust it, people are going to come at you with all sorts of advice, you’re going to feel overwhelmed and you are going to try and do it all, but honestly mama you don’t have to! There is no such thing as a perfect mother, even on your worst days you are everything to that babe, all he needs is your love, and you have that in abundance. 

When you feel that huge rush of all-consuming overwhelm take things one day, one hour, one minute at a time. This too shall pass (sometimes it passes like a kidney stone!) but it does pass. The nights get easier, the days stop stretching out in front of you like a huge abyss and you find your rhythm, so don’t worry about what’s to come. I’ve said it already, but I need you to believe - everything is going to be ok. 

I know physically you feel broken, you look in the mirror and you have no idea who is staring back at you. It’s ok, this is your chrysalis. You are about to shed the years of perfectionist expectation imposed on you by yourself and others, you are about to learn to love yourself in a way you had no idea was possible, all you have to do is accept that you are so much more than your body. You are a wonderfully, unique human being who brought another human into this world. How you look will never be more important than how you feel. It’s going to be a journey though as you haven’t quite come to realise this. Just now you are going to rush back to exercise because you believe how you look is your worth, you feel the pressure to “bounce back” and you are going to make some mistakes by going to classes that don’t know how to support you.

But you are going to learn something here, you are going to learn what a women’s health physio is and how important it is to see one. You are going to begin to understand how to truly support yourself beyond just exercise and you are going to use it to build something special.

But most importantly you are going to learn that you are worthy right now!

Regardless of how you look, no matter how productive you have been or how others perceive you, you are worthy right now! So be kinder to yourself mama, take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. One day that squishy little bundle in your arms is going to grow up to be a loving, kind, secure and fiercely independent little guy, so hold him close, snuggle a bit longer and remind yourself that your best is good enough even if that best is to spend all day on the couch. 

I’m proud of you.

All my love, 

You - 5 years from today <3

My postnatal journey taught me so much about the healing needs of new motherhood. You might be similar to me and have really strong attachments to exercise. I need movement to feel myself and when I was a new mum I rushed back in ways that put my overall health and wellbeing at risk because I didn’t know any better. The unfortunate thing is that there just isn’t enough safe and effective mainstream information out there for new mums who wish to return to exercise. I have put together a guide that provides information and tools to help you begin to recover from childbirth when you feel the time is right for you. 

Pop your email in this link and I’ll send it over to you.