My Tools for Living Happier
I received lots of lovely feedback from last week’s blog post on how My 3 Rules for Dealing with Difficult Situations really resonated with you all. So today I want to share another life-changing perspective from me.
You may know I have always been an ambitious spirit. It’s something that I have always been really proud of, but it’s only now that I have begun to realise where it comes from.
I know that my self-limiting belief is that I am not good enough and my ambition is fuelled by a desperate need to prove myself. Up until very recently, this has given my ambition a competitive edge and in my past, it left me with a lot of jealousy and resentment toward others.
I built a stringency mindset, I didn’t think there was enough to go around and I became fiercely protective over what was “mine” I began to hold on tighter and tighter, keeping my ideas a secret, never letting anyone in, not showing my true self.
I became really unhappy and in my tight holding on, I didn’t actually protect what I had, in fact, I began to have even less.
Today I’d love to share with you what changed for me and the tools that I now use to live a happier and more abundant life.
Remember that you are not the main character in everyone else’s story - they are!
This is such a good reminder when you are bogged down wondering if someone is being passive-aggressive toward you online or if that comment was about you… it’s probably not and if it is and someone isn’t being upfront with you then pay them no mind.
You cannot be held ransom to things if people aren’t sharing with you, that you upset them and if you’re reflecting and second-guessing some of your own negative behaviours then be bold and apologise or ask if what you said might have been received negatively - opening space for your own feelings and those of others, leading by example and living true to your values can only lead to happier feelings for all.
Lead with love
This is a lesson I learned way back in my hospitality days. You know when someone comes into your place of work and they are moody AF? It’s so tempting to get defensive and be moody back, right? But what happens when you separate yourself, realise it’s not about you and greet them with a smile and some love - they soften, right?
Kindness and love go such a long way and in this hectic world, we can apply that principle to so many scenarios.
Don’t mistake this as me saying you shouldn’t uphold your boundaries, boundaries are important, always, if someone has overstepped yours, you gotta let them know but when we lead with a little bit more love and kindness, we spread it around and the world becomes an easier place to navigate.
Have Boundaries
Saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’ and you’ll be on a fast track to spending your life feeling resentful, overwhelmed and probably full of rage.
We can be so separated from ourselves and the constant media messaging that we should always put others first doesn’t help! But, it tells us this because if we weren’t exhausted and burnt out we wouldn’t feel the need to buy into so many fast fixes or remedies and a bit part of consumer culture would be a bust.
However, if we put ourselves first, know our boundaries and how to uphold them then not only are we happier but we are better equipped to support others without sacrificing ourselves.
Share
You know that song “Love is something if you give it away” well if you don’t the gist is that if you hold on tight to what you have you won’t have much but if you lend it, spend it and share it then you’ll welcome all the good in.
It’s talking about an abundance mindset and it’s so true. We grow up believing that there isn’t enough to go around, that we are all in competition with each other and we must keep our cards close to our chest, never show our hand and various other poker references… but the reality is when we share our knowledge, when we speak up for those who are being marginalised, when we mention someone else's name in a room full of opportunities, we can find so much fulfilment for ourselves.
Knowing that you can use your privilege, however that shows up in your life to go even a tiny way toward supporting someone else is an absolute joy that will always contribute to a happier, healthier life. Letting go of jealousy and resentment and proving that there is enough to go around for us all.
Ditch the gossip
When we spend so much energy gossiping about others it can leave us feeling deeply unhappy with our own lives. We can harbour feelings of resentment, jealousy, bitterness and can even get stuck ruminating on how unfair life is. Whilst it might feel good in the moment - gossiping is almost always an energy vampire.
If we reframe our thoughts to those of kindness and compassion and meet people where they are at, then we can ditch the gossip and approach things with a clearer head.
If you need to have a difficult conversation with someone- have it with them rather than someone else. In a world that teaches us that women are catty and backstabbing let's do our best to change the narrative and save our energy for the important things in life - like smashing the shit out of the patriarchy.
What are your tips for living a happier life?
I could go on, this list is in no way exhaustive but it’s a collection of tools that have really changed things up for me and helped me shed years of people-pleasing and toxic behaviours that were really stealing my happiness.
I’d love to know if they resonate with you? Or if you have any words of wisdom that you live by that you’d love to share?
Fellow Coaches…
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